Sex Therapy for Erectile Issues
Things I hear my clients say…..
"I don't have erections when I want them and it's killing my confidence"
"I've tried everything - I've done a ton of online research, my testosterone levels are normal, I've talked to a urologist, I'm taking Viagra or Cialis. Nothing seems to work!"
"I dread sex now and even avoid it entirely - I just don't want to fail again"
"This issue is causing huge issues in my relationship / dating life"
*These are generalized statements and not direct quotes from any clients.
Along with [performance anxiety], erectile issues are by far the most common issue I work with as a sex therapist and I've worked with countless men and couples to address and improve both their confidence and erectile consistency.
Erectile issues can be incredibly frustrating, personally demoralizing, and they can wreak havoc on otherwise very strong, loving, connected relationships.
We all want to feel confident in our sexual selves and to be able to physically express the love we feel for one another, so when our bodies betray us, it can be jarring and anxiety inducing to say the least.
Most men find their way to sex therapy as a sort of "last ditch effort" once the pills, testosterone treatments, shock wave therapy, and herbal supplements have failed. Many of these men find that, even having no issues while masturbating, will struggle to experience erections in the presence of a partner, particularly one that they care to impress.
To add to the frustration, many men will even avoid sex so as to not have another "failed encounter" which ironically only serves to give [performance anxiety] more power over time. The result is that many men get stuck in a vicious cycle where sex becomes less and less frequent, adding more and more pressure to having "successful" sexual encounters, leading to more and more anxiety to perform, resulting in fewer and fewer erections and less and less sex. For couples, this can even lead to [desire discrepancy].
For these men, I find that the issue is typically more complicated than any one silver bullet (or blue pill) can address. In therapy, our work will be multifaceted, often tapping into your upbringing, your ideas of masculinity, your communication skills and your styles of relating and attaching to others.
With sex therapy, you can gain a deeper understanding of your sexual self, and learn to set the stage for more fulfilling sexual encounters. This often looks like deeper and braver ways of communicating, more effective and compassionate ways of dealing with your own anxiety, and broader ideas of what can make sex both connective and pleasurable.
If this sounds like you and you're ready to get started, I invite you to book a free consultation with me today
Frequently asked questions.
-
Yes, it is extremely common in men and, though it naturally arises and progresses as we age, many people find themselves struggling with it when they are younger and otherwise physically healthy. It's important to see your doctor as ED can sometimes be a sign of underlying cardiovascular issues. For most people though, it's often the direct result of performance anxiety, which everyone experiences to some degree.
-
It's always a great idea to talk to your doctor or urologist in conjunction with sex therapy. They can help you address any organic issues that might be contributing to erectile function, including cardiovascular issues or low testosterone levels. A good rule of thumb is if you find yourself able to masturbate with little to no issue, it's probably a psychological issue, in which case therapy is the place to start.
-
A good sex therapist will leave no stone unturned - it's important to get a full sexual history to understand the beliefs, experiences and values that shape who you are as a sexual being so we can understand what kinds of unrealistic expectations, shameful messages, or relationship dynamics might be getting in the way of you having the sex you want. From there, we help you write new scripts for healthier sexual encounters and give you the tools to manage your anxiety in the moment.
-
Yes, porn can be a contributor to erectile dysfunction, but it's never as simple as just cutting it out completely (which is what most people try first). In fact, abstaining completely can make it even harder to connect sexually with partners! This is why it's so important to get a full picture of your sexual history to better understand the complex web of factors that shape your sexual scripts. This allows us to identify opportunities for revision and expansion of those sexual scripts so you're not having to contort yourself to try to have an experience that might not be accessible or fun.