Talk Therapy for Premature and Delayed Ejaculation.
Things I hear my clients say…..
"It’s so frustrating that I can't seem to last long enough for me or my partner to enjoy the experience."
"No matter what I do I can't seem to reach orgasm consistently with a partner, even if I can more easily on my own."
"I'm starting to dread and even avoid sex or dating"
"Coming too late or too early is causing huge issues in my relationships"
*These are generalized statements and not direct quotes from any clients.
One of the most frustrating issues my clients face is when their orgasms and ejaculations are happening sooner or later than they would like.
In many cases, it can even be a struggle to reach orgasm at all. I've worked with countless clients on both ends of the orgasm spectrum to find a healthier balance and greater enjoyment of their sexual encounters.
For folks struggling to "last long enough" I often hear that they or their partners have some expectation about how long sex "should" last and may worry that something could be wrong with them or their relationship.
For folks struggling to reach orgasm at all, I often hear their disappointment at not getting the climactic payoff from sex while simultaneously having to take care of a partner's feelings who may take the absence of an orgasm personally - as if it were some referendum on their sexual performance or attractiveness or a sign of the strength of the relationship.
As in many cases in sex therapy, the scripts that we have for how sex "should" go are often the very things keeping us from experiencing the pleasure and connection we so desire.
Sex therapy can help give you tools for modulating the sensation that fuels arousal so that you are more able to decide when and how you want to orgasm. This often entails undoing shameful narratives perpetuated by mainstream media (including but not limited to porn), structured masturbation practice, and improving communication.
If this sounds like it could be helpful and you're ready to get started, I invite you to book a free consultation with me today.
Frequently asked questions.
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Yes, both are extremely common! Talk therapy is a great place to learn about the psychological causes of premature ejaculation (PE) and delayed ejaculation (DE) and gain the skills to address them.
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First off, everyone is normal! You are not broken or abnormal because you are not having the sex you see in porn or movies. Premature ejaculation technically is defined as any intercourse lasting less than 1 or 2 minutes. Delayed ejaculation typically describes taking longer than 20 or 30 minutes. The average man takes 5-7 minutes to ejaculate during intercourse.
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There are lots of reasons you might not be experiencing orgasms and ejaculations when you want them. Physically, we all have different levels of sensitivity that can affect how long we tend to naturally last and it's a broad spectrum! Some people develop what we call "funneled desire" due to ritualized masturbation habits and porn use. Other people just need more or less stimulation and may not know all of the options available to them to adjust the intensity of sensations during a sexual encounter.
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A good sex therapist will leave no stone unturned - it's important to get a full sexual history to understand the beliefs, experiences and values that shape who you are as a sexual being. In therapy you will learn to communicate clearly during sex so you can better invite your partner to adjust levels and types of stimulation. We will also help you write new scripts for healthier and more expansive sexual encounters that make it easier to reach orgasm when and how you want.